Depression

It has come to my attention that I am becoming more aware of my depression episodes.  The one started yesterday.  I was in a funk, granted, I wasn't feeling well, was sleep deprived, and was still coming down from seasickness and the side affects of the dramamine.  Despite all that, I sure wasn't doin' too hot.

After work, I am feeling like quite a reject.  Bought candles, bought a pair of used jeans, and returned library stuff.

Then I come home, and my entire fruit and vegstable bowl in the kitchen is empty except for 2 items.  This really set me off!  I texted the person whom I think may have helped herself (she just left on a road trip).

Now I am in my room, I feel like, as usual, that I really don't care about dealing my with mess but I guess the best strategy is to deal with things one by one.

I wish I had someone to talk to about this, I don't really think I do.  The only people I could talk to would either tell me things like, "depression is a choice", wouldn't understand, or I just feel like I would be a burden to them.....

How can I be myself with people when I can't even let them know about this side of me.

I don't want to feel sorry for myself, I just want to deal with the root of things but I don't know how.  The bottom line is that there is deep seated pain, and I want to let this out, via crying, other emotions, and processing everything......