Trader Joes trip!  Trader Joe's is such a grand experience, and every visit is a pleasant surprise.  And the store I shop at is the original store.

Tonights visit was so delightful, that I would say, it's better than therapy.  First off, I saw some adorable kids, and I mean A-DOR-A-BLE as in, would that family mind adopting me??

Then my checkout guy rocks, because he's so engaging. Our conversation included, but was not limited to: napping extensively, recipes and cooking tips, original restaurant entrees, and Arkansas.

During and before my check-out experience, I felt extra welcomed at Trader Joe's via the friendliness from Mr. ? check out guy.  We exchanged "hi's"and smiles 3 times.  Is he just extra friendly, or was he flirting?  Time will tell......

This visit, after the intention of being a bit more frugal, my bill totaled $77.

My current receipt included:   green beans, broccoli, asparagus, salad dressing, zucchini,  cottage cheese, Orange, Lemons,  Lime, Grapefruit, White Stilton cheese with Apricots from England,   Popcorn and Almonds which I replacing as I swiped it from my sister, fresh lamb, frozen hamburger meat from new zealand, frozen buffalo burgers,  palak paneer frozen indian entrée, prepared chicken curry salad, and a 9 dollar bottle of wine (which I thought was 7, hmm, maybe the tax?)

The Lemons, Asparagus, Broccoli, and Zucchini are organic, adding 4 more dollars to my bill, but what's 4 bucks when it's healthier?  I always hope they are telling the truth. Ya know?

My one splurge every week is the cheese.  Why not try all the Trader Joe's cheeses at least once?

So, I'm home, and my intentions of preparing lunch for tomorrow's workday are waning thin.

Why, because I am running so low on tupperware, excuses, excuses.....

get up early for this?

Who is inspired at the end of the eve to slice and dice any who?

Okee-dokey, off to never never land....

My tummy is not right.....

May we be just as excited for the week to start as we are for the weekend.

Dear God, Help us to be grateful, expectant, optomistic, even if we do have to get up early......

Should I reflect on the weekend, or should I look ahead to Monday instead? 

Thinking about health, exercise, want to do it tommorow morning.

All of our rituals which help us live better take time, commitment, work:  preparing meals, exercising ways which suit us the best,  prioritizing all our tasks.....

It's January 9.  Still early in the year.....a full moon tonight....

Knowing, but not knowing what will happen tommorow.
God, please protect us with your angels, give us wisdom, thank you for all you are and all you do.

Day 3

Much worse.  But instead of usually staying stuck, I am making efforts to get stuff done.  It is better to feel anger, etc, than numbness. 

I am craving the numbness, but I am feeling the anger, and beneath the anger is the pain that I cannot bear....yet.....but I must face it eventually.....

One the Bright Side....

I may not feel like I have friends that I can open up to, but I do have a lot of things going on in my life which I need to appreciate.

My nanny work with Ella and Joe, and my new babysitting work with glorious Etta :)

May I use part of this evening to plan some of our future outings, playtimes, activities, etc!

Tommorow, Joe and I continue a pick-up baseball game with 3 other adults, and 3 other children.  It was a hit on Monday, and we are so excited for tommorow!

Early in the morn, I get to spend time with Etta.  I really want to relish in our time together, her imaginativeness, the opportunity to interact with her, her kindness, and everything else wonderful about her and her family.  What a brilliant 5 year old!

Depression

It has come to my attention that I am becoming more aware of my depression episodes.  The one started yesterday.  I was in a funk, granted, I wasn't feeling well, was sleep deprived, and was still coming down from seasickness and the side affects of the dramamine.  Despite all that, I sure wasn't doin' too hot.

After work, I am feeling like quite a reject.  Bought candles, bought a pair of used jeans, and returned library stuff.

Then I come home, and my entire fruit and vegstable bowl in the kitchen is empty except for 2 items.  This really set me off!  I texted the person whom I think may have helped herself (she just left on a road trip).

Now I am in my room, I feel like, as usual, that I really don't care about dealing my with mess but I guess the best strategy is to deal with things one by one.

I wish I had someone to talk to about this, I don't really think I do.  The only people I could talk to would either tell me things like, "depression is a choice", wouldn't understand, or I just feel like I would be a burden to them.....

How can I be myself with people when I can't even let them know about this side of me.

I don't want to feel sorry for myself, I just want to deal with the root of things but I don't know how.  The bottom line is that there is deep seated pain, and I want to let this out, via crying, other emotions, and processing everything......

Writing a post and ignoring my need for breakfast.....

While one of my friends may tease me, I still think this weekend is extraordinarily windy. It makes me think deeper about the symbolism of wind, winds of change.....all in all, it makes me think something of significance is about to happen.

Your mind might be led to think of some suspenseful movie where the winds outside are causing things to move like gates, swings, windchimes, etc....

Wind provides ability for travel, primarily on the water. In this sense, if you are a sailor, windsurfer, etc, wind is something you look forward to. Also, in these instances, there is no time for mundane chores like sweeping leaves, as they will all be scattered again after any progress is accomplished.

What does God say about wind? I am thinking of the Winds of the Spirit.

Some pastor commented that before anything happens in the spiritual, it takes place first in the natural. So, in a spiritual sense, this should create excitement for someone trusting in God.

And of course, one feels most comforted and safe sometimes inside, in the stillness. So to, let us find rest in the stillness and peace of God.

Earlier this morning, I was on a website for current San Francisco wind trends. Every four seconds or so, the speed or the direction would change. To me, the speed was interesting, not the direction.

But now I am thinking of how easily, and randomly wind changes direction. One cannot predict what it will be in the next moment. The wind outside my window is completely whipping through the trees. To me, it seems like every direction at once.

Obviously the directions do matter to God since they are mentioned in the Bible as in Job where it reads, "I will scatter them as with an EAST wind before the enemy". Maybe each direction symbolises something specific.

I am reading many verses right now which contain the word "wind". It seems that the East wind is not a good thing, and also I am getting a sense that when the wind comes, it is a time for us to be vigilent, watchful, mindful, and sober; just to name a few.

Well, we definately cannot control the wind. But Jesus has power over the wind. He has the power to speak to it, and it is still!

I love this verse in John 3:8, "The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but cannot tell where it comes from and where it goes. So is everyone who is born of the Spirit."

All I can say right now about Revelations 7:1 is "Wow!" "After these things I saw four angels standing at the four corners of the earth, holding the four winds of the earth, that the wind should not blow on the earth, on the sea, or on any tree."

It's facinating to understand what controls and causes the wind be it planetary rotation, air pressure, etc. That is definately something all of us could delve into for scientific understanding.

Coffee in Bed

It's 10:24. I'll be at Joe's house by 11:30 at this rate. At one I'll pick him up at his camp and we'll jet on over to the beach/Chrissy Fields. We'll be bringin' shovels, volleyball, and other stuff. Haven't seen him for two weeks, it'll be good. Supposed to be keepin' a journal, but bloggin' now because it's better than nothin'